The gap in perception and also a story…
I don’t think we fully understand how others perceive us.
But let me tell you a story first.
Long ago, when I was in the 7th grade, I was awkward and introverted. I was still in shock from moving from Taiwan to the US and playing catch up with English as a new language. I didn’t pay attention to boys. I was friends with some of the boys in my class, but I didn’t go out of my way to solicit their attention nor did I really give them much thought.
One day as we waited outside the classroom for the bell to ring and the classroom door to open, a boy, Jonathan, came up to me.
He said that he had something for me. I replied “OK.”
He pulled out a small box that had a gold ID bracelet inside. My name was inscribed on one side of the bracelet and the other side said, “Love Jon.”
Just then, the class bell rang and we went inside.
I don’t recall saying anything to him after class or for the next couple of days. As a matter of fact, I was puzzled. I didn’t understand Jonathan liked me. I didn’t understand why he would give me a gift. I did not perceive myself as a girl a boy would be interested in, and so his overture was a complete surprise to me.
It took me three whole days to put it all together.
In order to fully realize your potential, you need to first understand how others perceive you. If people think you are an idiot, but you think you are the life of the party, there is a misalignment of projection and perception. If people believe that you are an exciting person who creates amazing art, yet you see yourself as a starving artist, again, misalignment of projection and perception.
In order for you to become your authentic self, you need to understand how others perceive you vs. how you see yourself, and close the gap in between. After all, we all want to be seen clearly for who we are and be understood and accepted. The place to start is understanding the gap in perceptions.
Tell about a time when you broke someone’s heart because you didn’t know any better…..
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*Yes, I’ve kept the bracelet all of these years. I am a little sentimental.
I’m fascinated by the gap between how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us.
I see it most clearly in myself when I return to France, to my mother’s hometown. I always feel like a child again when I’m there and not always in a pleasant way. I’m convinced that everyone sees me as a little bit stupid and possibly even slow because I speak French without much of an accent but with some peculiarities. I’m trying to bridge that gap by making French a part of my adult life by blogging and vlogging in French, but it’s a slow process!
I find it really interesting the gaps where we see the difference in perception. To make the matter trickier is that our perception of ourselves is constantly shifting as it is other’s perception of us. All of this would be easier if it is just on a single fixed point, all we need to do is get there and close the gap. I guess as in all things, practice makes perfect and the awareness that there is such a gap is step in any process. 🙂
This has been a “dangerous” year in closing that very gap – “dangerous” because I felt threatened. Then, I knocked the danger out of the ballpark, because I realized I’d been lining up, all misaligned on the wrong side.
Its important to see yourself clearly but then you are a ever changing so then your understanding of yourself needs to be continuously revalued too. god…that is just a lot of work at times. I am a big fan of self-realization but I definitely get tired of it at time and just want to throw a tantrum! LOL.
This is a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.
I have always wondered how others view me and there are those times that people come to me and say something that totally knocks me out of the water and leaves me thinking… you think that of me?
Evaluation of self is a full-time job if you do not contain it. The challenge is to find that balance between what others think of you and being free enough to be who you really want to be and not cater to the expectations of the society in which you live. I am constantly struggling with this balance.
It certainly is a tricky balance. Please do keep me posted on how you do! 🙂
Thanks so much for your thoughts.
What a great reminder! Though I think most of us know these deep inside of us, it has to be a habit to constantly bridge the gap. Thanks again!