Spy Travelogue
I have a confession to make.
I think I am afraid of commitment.
Lets examine the evidence. The first giveaway is my inability to stay still and be in one place for too long. The second would be that I have not had a pet (not even a goldfish) since college; house plants don’t count.
I crave the excitement of the new and unknown. I am addicted to challenges and overcoming them. I am have an insatiable desire to continuously expand, grow and live a life that is free and limitless.
I perceive commitments as a hindrance, a limitation to these desires and addictions.
We believe that fear is something to overcome. A negative that needs to be made into a positive or simply removed altogether.
Here is the radical thought. What if fears are not something that need to be removed and righted? What if the act of acknowledging them is enough in itself. Much like AA programs, acknowledge the problem and from there on, you silently keep track of the decisions you make with the new information in mind.
We acknowledge the fear, stop making decisions based on the fear, then little by little the fear lets go of us.
What if this is simply allowing for more? A change of mindset and a belief that commitment does not need to limit and confine. To allow for BOTH AND – to have your cake and eat it too.
I am gonna practice this for a while and see what happens. No, I am not going to get a goldfish, my pet cemetery is quite extensive already.
Tell me about your fears. Tell me your thoughts on my radical proposition.
*after all, what is the point of having cake if you can’t eat it?!
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12 Responses to A Confession and A Radical Thought
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Charlie vs Charlie
Oh lady…we are kindred spirits.
I like your challenge of changing the way we think about fear and commitment. However I do know it will be a challenge for me. My problem is that I’m scared of even practicing this way of thinking! Yet – this gives me something to ponder today.
I am continuously amazed at how many beautiful, talented, amazing girlfriends of mine suffers from the same fear. I think every thing is a mind game and if we just shit the mind set in the right way, if we just find the right twist on how we re-frame a problem / question then all of sudden, it is easy and not a thing any more.
Lets keep on pondering shall we!?
OMG I couldn’t have said it any better than you just did! I am going to quote your post everywhere. LOL This is exactly how I feel. I am at my most stable/constant/happy when I am on the move. I’ve never lived anywhere long enough to have any kind of loyalty. I’ve been in the state of NJ the longest and I have been dying because its been 9 years too long. I hear you.. I feel you.. I totally relate to you! Good job on writing it out =o)
Here here travel sister and forever wanderlust! I am on the road now, first to see my mom and then onward to India. I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to the it. I am ready for that shock to the system! Are you in NJ still?
Yes…BUT…
Let me play devil’s advocate…it is one thing to acknowledge the fear and accept that having both is ideal, it is quite another to embrace commitment and the, well, commitments that come with it.
I am a hopeless romantic and in love with love and adventure but I never truly understood commitment …
aside: as I was writing that on the kitchen counter my little girl climbed up to the table and tipped her bowl of cinnamon cheerios. She cried, I wiped up, wiped her nose, held her close…made a blanket fort…she smiled…
As I was saying, I never truly understood what I was committing to, to another life, until I had my children.
Yes, you can have both. That is radical.
Taylor
I love the interruption your daughter provided. I completely agree that having both is the radical choice.
I think for me is not only to be able to have BOTH AND, but to be conscious enough of my fears and limits that I am not just running to be running. I know there are beauty and magnificence to be had in the act of committing as well. I think I just would love to find the balance of being free and have gorgeous moments like you described as well.
Thank you so much for your comment. Its lovely and touches me deeply.
Taylor’s comment reminded me of something that I came across almost 4 yrs ago. I wish I could credit the author. These words help me as I transition from being a wanderlust to being more comfortable at the thought of starting a family with my wonderful and patient husband. I need to change my own mindset on settling down!
“I will use my 16 minutes to shake off all dreams of a road less traveled. You make the choices you make based on what you know about yourself and what you think you know about the world.
And sometimes the world will turn around and break your heart, but other times, a 5-year-old will saunter in with three dolls wet from their swim lesson. The five of you will sit down to blueberry muffins, and the reality of what you wound up with will suddenly seem like the only possible choice — it just couldn’t have turned out any other way.”
That is a beautiful quote. Thank you so much for sharing.
I never thought I would love the world as much as I do or have as strong a wonderlust. Life surprises me in many ways, as it does to us all. The world breaks our hearts and mends it too. Much like when I read of this soppying wet tea party with the dolls and the child, I feel the beauty, the heart break and the healing all the same.
Be prepared to be surprised. I think that might be the only true advice any of us can give!
[...] the worst possible outcome will eliminate the power it has over you. It will remove your fear of it so you can function with [...]
I always say that I need to do (or be or say) the things I am afraid to do. It’s not easy. At all. I don’t always listen to my own advice as quickly as I dole it out, but what I’ve found is that doing the thing that scares me does two things. It shows me that the fear was usually irrational and that I am stronger than I thought.
Keep pushing yourself. That’s amazing.
Hey Charlie – what you say resonates hugely – less the commitment and more the curiosity. There is no way you could have achieved what you have without huge commitment. It seems more that you are afraid of the mind atrophying and your appreciation of people and the world losing its edge. What a wonderful, wonderful life. Commitment comes in all forms and sizes. Goldfish maybe no – but blog? social media? Look at you free-spirited girl! And yes I so agree that once you notice something about yourself that’s a whole new journey, not necessarily of change and possibly of acceptance. Live on I say!
what an amazing post! i recently realized that i have a fear of vulnerability that really affects my personal relationships. in working on that, i am confronting it and accepting it and forgiving it for being there instead of resisting and hiding from it like i’ve always done. amazingly, my new process has completely taken the power of the fear away! good luck on your journey x