July 9, 2009
Oaxaca City, Mexico
Elevation 1550m
I read "A Portrait of a Young Man as an Artist" by James Joyce when I was 17. Something Joyce said has really stayed with me. He believes that a man cannot truly be free unless he can sever the ties of family, religion and country. I revisit this idea every so often as I consider myself to be "free," or would like to be.
At 17, I had no national allegiance as I didn't feel like an American nor did I feel like I was Chinese either. I did not have faith nor religion and family was something that I couldn't wait to walk away from as they have been troublesome to say the least.
I am reminded of the movie "Into the Wild" and a line of lyrics from it, "I got my wish to up and disappear." They both seem appropriate at this moment as I wonder through Mexico and beyond. There are some problems that I have with the movie but the notion of him wanting to walk away from everything and see if he could survive on the land alone certainly holds my imagination. In the end though, he writes as he is dying, "happiness is only real when shared." Which only goes prove Joyce's point in my opinion, that being truly free is not that easy.
As I hyper-ventilated over the temporary lost of my blackberry, my life line to the world, I can't help but think of Joyce and his idea of being free. Which then makes me ask a different question, do I want to be that free? That untethered to the world?
Things have changed and I am not who I once was since I last read Joyce. The question of faith and cultural identity aside I am glad for the family that I have now. Whether be it blood ties or family of our own choosing, I am a better person with them than I would be w/o them. Other than the fact that my blackberry allows me to conduct business while I am on the road, it allows me to share bits of my day with people that I care about. "Happiness is only real when shared."
When I was 17, I thought being that free was something to strive for. Now, I wonder if Joyce's point is more to the impossibility of it and that we are the ties that binds us. Our family, faith and culture defines us and if we allow it, it can make us better. I think I will go dig out my copy of "Portrait" when I get back to the States and have another read.
Charlie Grosso
310-592-0895
This is something I feel all the time. I can't count the times in the last year where I've wished I could just walk away from it all. It's much easier to walk away than to deal with it, but the problem is in staying committed to walking away. It's really hard to stay committed to it if you haven't cut those ties, and I honestly believe you have to be completely inhuman to do so.
I think the urge to be free comes from inner restless, but it's easier to satisfy that restlessness on the outside rather than on the inside. What sucks is that if it isn't settled on the inside it doesn't matter what you do on the outside. I'm learning that the hard way right now, to be honest.