July 23, 2008
Los Angeles, Ca
We have lived in an amazing 5 bedroom house for the last 4.5 years and paying about the price of a 2-3 bedroom rental. Our landlords are coming back from Mexico and we must relocate.
We have had this news for about a week now and its still not any easier. I am simply stuck between a panic and very upset. I know that we had move eventually, we don’t own this home, but I think I always thought that we would move when we are ready, on our terms. But more than the issue of lack of control, I have lived in this house the longest out of anywhere since I was 9 years old. It Don and mine first “home” together.
“Home” has always been a very difficult concept for me. I feel at “Home” when I am in Taipei with my mom, but that has less to do with the physical house and more so with her. Yet I also think of our place in LA as “Home.” I am constantly confused by the fact that I feel at “Home” in more than one place.
What is “Home?” Where you hang your hat? Where the heart is? I know its a mythical place, a metaphor that we try to impose upon a physical structure. If I could figure out what makes a place “Home”, then I would have an easier time with either having too many of such or even finding that ONE.
This is a great opportunity for us to figure out and envision the next stage of our lives, how we would like to live. I have thought about maybe we should move to Vashon, Wa – where we can rent a 2000sq ft plus house on a acre of land for half of what we pay in rent now. Or maybe we just rent a 1 bedroom in LA and use all of that extra money to travel and make various projects of ours come alive. Or maybe we could even not have a house here in LA and take that Gap year that I have always wanted to do.
Yet no matter where my thoughts drift in terms of possibilities of what we could do, I find myself wanting, needing a “Home.” I am disturbed by that this house will not be my home soon and that I must make / find another. I am uneasy in my home now that I must soon leave.
Maybe home is simply where there is someone to hold your hand….
