Oct 7, 2010
NYC
Elevation: 80m
Its been over a hundred days since I last left the country for Wok the Dog. Its been nearly a year since I have been on an extended trip. I have been planning one for the end of the year for a while now. Yet for last two weeks no matter how many times I put “figure out flight detail and frequent flyer miles” on my to do list, it never gets done. I don’t even come close to dealing with it. However, every time when I get quiet and I ask myself what is that I want, “get out of here and back on the road” is the answer I come up with.
Every time I am hesitant in pulling the trigger on something, it usually means that I am afraid. Change is a great candidate for fear. Alright then, lets break this down.
I am not afraid to go out on the road. I am not a stranger to buses, trains and foreign locations. I am not afraid of traveling alone. The constant change thrills and excites me. It makes me feel alive. I love being on the road because I love the new. I love being able to focus on nothing except making new images, write, think and simply be. There is a part of me that is itching to get out here for a little while, it is pleading for me to get us on a flight, into foreign land. Then why haven’t I bought a ticket yet?
As I am out on my daily walk through the park today it finally hits me. Routine and control.
After a tumultuous 2 years of dismantling, heart break, couch surfing, healing, traveling, uprooting, re-settling, rebuilding, and finding the ground beneath me again, I have finally settled back into a routine of sorts. At last, I am comfortable and settled in my new home. I take a spin class 3 times a week if my work schedule allows, I take a walk every day and I fill my calendar with work and friends. No two weeks of mine are the same but I am settled in what works for me. The routine provides comfort and is grounding but it can quickly makes one complacent.
We all like to be in control of our circumstances and our situation. It is only human nature. Control brings a sense of security. It has taken a while for me to get plugged back into a social network here in NYC. There are new relationships both professional and personal that I am nurturing. My business as a professional photographer, as an artist and as director of Baang and Burne Contemporary all requires time, attention and a steady presence. I can’t help but feel like if I am here, then I can “control” these relationships and influence how they unfold.
Routine can make you complacent; the illusion of control is dangerous.
This afternoon in the park I surrendered the illusion of control and committed myself to letting go of the little comfort I have established. Spin class and the park will still be here when I return. As will my jobs and all of the relationships I have been building. I need to buy a plane ticket and get on the road not just for Wok the Dog and my development as an artist but as person. Growth comes faster when you are willing to shake it all up and challenge yourself.
…26 days from now I will be in a strange bed again…more “Fetal Position and Drool” to come….
Just discovered your blog, and have seen your Wok the Dog project before.
Travel's shift of perspective is disorienting and stimulating all at once.
After two months I grow restless, after six I crave that jolt of travel. Yet traveling too much hinders my production of words and artwork, one reason I'd cancelled a trip to China this fall. Ah well China will still be there next year, its daily upheavals transforming cities and neighboring countries.
Enjoy your travels!